my thoughts in bare

Do you ever feel so out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong. That sometimes you'd rather lock yourself up in your room and just listen to loud music. Sometimes, you wanna go somewhere far away from everyone you know, explore some place you haven't been to and try to figure things out on your own. I get along well with everybody, it's just that sometimes I'm thinking that even if they hang out with me, laugh with me, talk with me.. does it mean they're really there for me? Even if they showed interest in your life, does it mean they're really after your story, they're really willing to listen, they'd just like to sympathize, or they're just there to have something to talk about. Not everybody around us is our friend. Sometimes, though you're hanging out with someone for quite some time, there's still an awkward or uncomfortable feeling like there is an invisible gap between you. I don't know.. Am I just over analyzing ...

To my ex-friend, We've been friends since college. There was never a dull moment with you, you were fun to be with. We understand each other so well even before we speak our mind. You were there when I had my major heartbreak back then. You didn't offer any advice instead you let me enjoy and have fun even for a while, we went to movie dates together, we even went to amusement park and enjoy the whole day just like kids do.  You were always there to calm me down every time I cried because of some family matters, you know how it feels because you're also a breadwinner like me. We were that close, even before we started hanging out again with our other barkadas from college. You got your own house to the same subdivision where I got mine, making our families connected like us. We started hanging out more often when you started dating that guy. It's your way of balancing your time to all of us. Eventually, we became friends with your boyfriend. We had a lot of bonding ...

Paper Towns, a film adaptation of the 2008 novel by John Green. I've never read the book so I really had no idea when I watched the movie. It's not the kind of a movie you'd like to watch over and over again, but certainly it will make you think about people... about life. "Here's what's not beautiful about it: from here, you can't see the rust or cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell how fake it all is. It's not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It's a paper town. I mean look at it, look at it all those cul-de-sacs, those streets that turn in in themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail, and all the people, too. I've lived here for eighteen y...

I am tired not for the lack of sleep or rest.. I am exhausted, fatigued by life and despair.. I am so worn down by the world that nothing can refresh my mind from constant whining about how hard life is.. No one said LIFE would be easy.. but then I can't blame them either why are they behaving like that.. Was it my fault why we are living like this? Did I made the wrong decision to prioritize having our own house? What's the good of living the dream of having your own, when in return I just made their life more miserable than what it already is? At the end of the road, will any of these be worth it? I don't know what to do now.. My head is aching and I think my chest will explode any moment from all the emotions I've kept inside. I want to burst in tears until it runs dry.. I am tired... and no matter how I sleep, there will be no enough hours of sleep for the type of rest I need now... I'm not sure if I'm depressed or I'm just sad.. I'm not sa...