I have told myself that if ever this would come, I’ll be ready but I’m wrong. Now, I feel scared and skeptical how will I do it? Will I be ready that enough to face and shoulder a much bigger responsibility?..
I truly understand my brother why he came up with his decisions and I do want nothing but happiness in him just like he wished for. I know he would never leave us, just like he said he would still help us but I also know that it wouldn’t be enough and be the same just like it used to which means a bigger responsibility on my part. For the past few weeks, my parents are being emotional especially “papa”. They’re having a hard time to accept everything, feeling more upset and frustrated of what’s going on and what would happen next. Sometimes, I feel a little irritated and upset with the constant hearing of complains from them. If only, I could just turn my back on them and just focused in my own needs but I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. I don’t have the courage to do it or more to say, I don’t have the conscience to do it. I know it’s wrong even just a mere thought of it. I don’t want to take for granted everything they’ve done to me. I owe them what I am now.
Maybe I just pray and wish that everything will be fine soon and they would finally understand and accept that things are just things. If only everything in this world is just like that “things are just things”, that you don’t need a reason to understand for whatever is happening, that it is just too easy to accept it. No more complications, no more pain. If that’s the case, maybe it would be easier for me to face this world without worrying because I know that no matter what happen they would understand.
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