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random thoughts...

Two years ago, I remember how excited I was while signing all the necessary documents when I bought that house. I was nervous at the same time back then, thinking if I was really ready for that since I was the one who'll be paying it and the payment would be long term, thinking if it was the perfect time to pursue that goal. I crossed my fingers and closed my eyes when I finally said yes I was going to do it, thinking that there is no such perfect time, that if I keep waiting for that perfect time when will I'll be ready for that, then nothing would happen and I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything ever. I was happy to see that finally we'll be having our own house.

I've gone through a lot before moving in, all my monthly income, incentives and bonuses went through that, I even filed loans just to be able to cover all the expenses for the painting of the walls, ceilings, for finishing up the floors, etc. etc.. Now it's been a year since we transferred to our new home in Cavite. It's not easy, we're still keeping up, the life in renting a small house in Manila and now that I am paying monthly  for our own house is different. There were times that I'm being skeptical for my decision to buy that house especially when I look into my parents having a hard time. It's hard because I can't depend on my other siblings to cover all our expenses. Most of them had their own family, although my sister was helping, it's still not enough. There were times, I felt like I was left alone to deal with this responsibility. I hate that feeling that I wasn't doing well to make their life more easier. Lots of "what ifs" are running through my head.

No one knows what would happen in the coming years, but I'm still hoping that things would be different and with God's guidance, time will come everything will be okay.
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