my thoughts in bare

I'm the third child in the family, in between my older brother and sister, and two younger brothers next to me. When we were young, we are often compared to my older brother though maybe not intentionally. He was the smart one, one of the favorites of the teachers, always on the top section, the one who actively participates in different extra-curricular activities in school (member of the school dance group, chess tournament, member of art club, etc.) My older sister was a different story. She was the bubbly, more outgoing person, with many friends and I was just a shadow of her, who always follow her wherever she is because I have no one close to my age in the neighborhood when I was a kid. That's why, I know how to spend my time even when I'm alone. My two younger brothers were the baby the of the family when they came. They were given the special attention and treatment. Things changed when we grow up. As years go by, I've watched them as they mess up with ...

Janet Hardy was a Hollywood legend - glamorous, brilliant and deeply troubled - and she died in mysterious circumstances at her home, Little Farm. As her granddaughter Cilla McGowan moves into the rundown farmhouse, determined to restore it to its former glory, she finds herself dreaming of the grandmother she never really knew and wondering exactly what happened in her past. As Cilla grows ever closer to her neighbour Ford Sawyer, she slowly begins to unravel her family secrets. But someone else in the community wants Cilla to leave the past alone, and she becomes the targets of increasingly brutal acts. Together with Sawyer, she must find out who is threatening her - and what they're trying so hard to protect... Yes, I am currently in a state of book hang over! ugh! That's the problem I have to face everytime I finished reading a book. So I figured, I should let this out of my head than staying up all night, staring at the ceiling, wondering what could've have happ...

I've never tried traveling alone. When I was young the thought of traveling alone makes me scared, thinking if it's safe to be in an unfamiliar place and be with unfamiliar people especially if you're a girl. Nowadays, numbers of women traveling alone are growing fast. This means women today are more confident to go out from their comfort zone. Going solo in a place you've never been to is a perfect confidence booster, the fact that you have no one to rely on to but yourself. It's best way to have your ME time, a time to think, reflect and discover yourself. So with that, I'd like to try, I guess I'll start here in our local places and of course budget-friendly for me to materialize my plans. I'm planning to do it on my birthday, something opposite to the way I celebrated my birthdays before. Few months to go and I'm crossing my finger on it.. :)

Do you ever feel so out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong. That sometimes you'd rather lock yourself up in your room and just listen to loud music. Sometimes, you wanna go somewhere far away from everyone you know, explore some place you haven't been to and try to figure things out on your own. I get along well with everybody, it's just that sometimes I'm thinking that even if they hang out with me, laugh with me, talk with me.. does it mean they're really there for me? Even if they showed interest in your life, does it mean they're really after your story, they're really willing to listen, they'd just like to sympathize, or they're just there to have something to talk about. Not everybody around us is our friend. Sometimes, though you're hanging out with someone for quite some time, there's still an awkward or uncomfortable feeling like there is an invisible gap between you. I don't know.. Am I just over analyzing ...

To my ex-friend, We've been friends since college. There was never a dull moment with you, you were fun to be with. We understand each other so well even before we speak our mind. You were there when I had my major heartbreak back then. You didn't offer any advice instead you let me enjoy and have fun even for a while, we went to movie dates together, we even went to amusement park and enjoy the whole day just like kids do.  You were always there to calm me down every time I cried because of some family matters, you know how it feels because you're also a breadwinner like me. We were that close, even before we started hanging out again with our other barkadas from college. You got your own house to the same subdivision where I got mine, making our families connected like us. We started hanging out more often when you started dating that guy. It's your way of balancing your time to all of us. Eventually, we became friends with your boyfriend. We had a lot of bonding ...

Paper Towns, a film adaptation of the 2008 novel by John Green. I've never read the book so I really had no idea when I watched the movie. It's not the kind of a movie you'd like to watch over and over again, but certainly it will make you think about people... about life. "Here's what's not beautiful about it: from here, you can't see the rust or cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell how fake it all is. It's not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It's a paper town. I mean look at it, look at it all those cul-de-sacs, those streets that turn in in themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail, and all the people, too. I've lived here for eighteen y...

I am tired not for the lack of sleep or rest.. I am exhausted, fatigued by life and despair.. I am so worn down by the world that nothing can refresh my mind from constant whining about how hard life is.. No one said LIFE would be easy.. but then I can't blame them either why are they behaving like that.. Was it my fault why we are living like this? Did I made the wrong decision to prioritize having our own house? What's the good of living the dream of having your own, when in return I just made their life more miserable than what it already is? At the end of the road, will any of these be worth it? I don't know what to do now.. My head is aching and I think my chest will explode any moment from all the emotions I've kept inside. I want to burst in tears until it runs dry.. I am tired... and no matter how I sleep, there will be no enough hours of sleep for the type of rest I need now... I'm not sure if I'm depressed or I'm just sad.. I'm not sa...