Skip to main content

for mama .. :(


I'm such a coward person. I'm sorry mama, if I have to spend my weekend in a friend's house. I just can't stand to see you cry every hour of the day. I can't face you and look straight to your eyes because I am afraid you'll see how much I am hurting inside too. I'm sorry because I can't do anything to ease the pain in your heart. If only a hug could cure it, I would hug you so tight. I'm sorry because I can't even show you my sympathy because I'm afraid you'll see me burst in tears just like you did. I'm sorry for all the pain they caused you, from kuya, then ate .. and now Gary. I can't blame you, it's like bringing all the pain from the past which you tried to forget for the past years. Like you said, it's like you've been betrayed for three times by your children with the same reasons. I know how frustrated you are and papa for what they did in their life, when all you wanted is for us to finish our studies and have a better life.

I am hurt and at the same time I am mad. I wanted to show them how angry I am with what they did but I can't. It's unfair! It's like I was left alone to carry all those responsibilities, when in the first place we should be helping each other, it could be much easier.. life could be much easier to us. I know they are still trying their best to help but it could be different if that's not the case. All this time, or shall I say since I was in high school my mind was set to finish my studies and do my best to help our family, for us to have a better life. And now, look what they did and what happened. Am I just the only one who's thinking about this?.. I'm not counting all I've done, I know it's not enough.. I'm not complaining either, it's just that I'm so hurt with all that happened. They don't know how much pressure they left me on my shoulder because of that. I'm so afraid... afraid of failure. I'm afraid to say word of promises because I'm afraid to give you both papa false hopes. I'm afraid that I may fail you just like they did.

For the third time around, I heard again those same words.. "tanggapin na lang, intindihin na lang kc nanjan na .. " but how many times we have to hear and accept that same dialog?.. Is it always just like that?.. that we don't have a choice but to accept everything?..

Mama, I'm so worried with how you accept things now that your in a state of depression. I hate to see you cry every now and then. I just hope and pray that things would go on and pass as fast as possible.. and that all the pain and anger we are feeling right now would go away soon.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

FOR YOU..

For the independent ones, who doesn't let their family know their worries because they don't like them to be worried about anything. For the breadwinners, who many times have nothing left on their pockets but still have to find way just to provide. For the strong ones, who choose to stand still because they know they don't have anyone as back-up but themselves. For those who choose to go on, because they know giving up is not option, because what will happen to everyone they care if it's just them who holds it together. For those who sets aside their happiness because there is more important than that. This is for YOU. Though many times, things happens not as much what you want or planned for, one day, time will come, everything will take its place accordingly. One day, you will no longer worry for tomorrow. One day, you no longer stare at your monthly expenses or your monthly bills, thinking where you will get it. One day, you will no longer feel guilty whenever you b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Random Thoughts

In general, society expects you to act in a way what is acceptable to most of the people. No matter how hard you try to ignore the noise around you, sometimes it tends to find its way to affect how you think, you decide, you believe, and your overall values.  It's been a long time, it's like I'm fighting a battle of my own. I'm trying to fight between trying to stick with what's making me happy or just live a life where it's less complicated.  I'm in a phase where I'm trying to figure out what's best to do with my life. I really believe that I should not be living my life for the sake of other people. But, what if it means fighting for the rest of your life? All these dilemma that's running in my head for a while now leads me to think or do things I think is not right.  Recently, I've made a terrible mistake just because once again I'm on a battle of my own, that doing so this is more acceptable than what I am on. Because traditionally, i...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dear Blogger..

Hi!. It's been a while.. I missed you.. I'm sorry for all the days and months that I neglected to write and speak my mind to you... I'm not going to reason out for not writing for so long.. I am just sorry.. When I started blogging I think that was 8 years ago.. I felt the need to communicate to the world what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking about things, what I'm doing, where I've been, what I think about the last book I have read or the movie I have watched.. the need to voice out whatever in my mind.. the time when I thought I have no one else to turn to but you. No pretensions, just being me. Blogging has been my comfort zone for releasing all my thoughts and feelings.. which I think still do. Today, I wanted to give it a try again.. back to writing.. back to blogging.. Hope to be back on soon..
Post a Comment
Read more