Skip to main content

for mama .. :(


I'm such a coward person. I'm sorry mama, if I have to spend my weekend in a friend's house. I just can't stand to see you cry every hour of the day. I can't face you and look straight to your eyes because I am afraid you'll see how much I am hurting inside too. I'm sorry because I can't do anything to ease the pain in your heart. If only a hug could cure it, I would hug you so tight. I'm sorry because I can't even show you my sympathy because I'm afraid you'll see me burst in tears just like you did. I'm sorry for all the pain they caused you, from kuya, then ate .. and now Gary. I can't blame you, it's like bringing all the pain from the past which you tried to forget for the past years. Like you said, it's like you've been betrayed for three times by your children with the same reasons. I know how frustrated you are and papa for what they did in their life, when all you wanted is for us to finish our studies and have a better life.

I am hurt and at the same time I am mad. I wanted to show them how angry I am with what they did but I can't. It's unfair! It's like I was left alone to carry all those responsibilities, when in the first place we should be helping each other, it could be much easier.. life could be much easier to us. I know they are still trying their best to help but it could be different if that's not the case. All this time, or shall I say since I was in high school my mind was set to finish my studies and do my best to help our family, for us to have a better life. And now, look what they did and what happened. Am I just the only one who's thinking about this?.. I'm not counting all I've done, I know it's not enough.. I'm not complaining either, it's just that I'm so hurt with all that happened. They don't know how much pressure they left me on my shoulder because of that. I'm so afraid... afraid of failure. I'm afraid to say word of promises because I'm afraid to give you both papa false hopes. I'm afraid that I may fail you just like they did.

For the third time around, I heard again those same words.. "tanggapin na lang, intindihin na lang kc nanjan na .. " but how many times we have to hear and accept that same dialog?.. Is it always just like that?.. that we don't have a choice but to accept everything?..

Mama, I'm so worried with how you accept things now that your in a state of depression. I hate to see you cry every now and then. I just hope and pray that things would go on and pass as fast as possible.. and that all the pain and anger we are feeling right now would go away soon.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

if not me, then who would be?..

An excerpt from the book Someone Like You by Sarah Dessen: Halley and Scarlett have been best friends ever since they met. Halley has always been the quiet one; Scarlett braver and more outgoing. Halley has always turned to Scarlett when things get rough, and Scarlett has always known just what to do. It’s the perfect set up. But everything changes at the beginning of their junior year. Scarlett’s boyfriend is killed in a motorcycle accident; then she finds out that she is carrying his baby. For the first time ever, Scarlett really needs Halley. Now Halley has to how to be strong for Scarlett. It won’t be easy, but Halley knows that she can’t let Scarlett down. Because a true friend is a promise you keep forever. ~~ This is definitely not a book review. I think I’m not good at it. I just realized while reading and after finishing it, that I can relate to the character of Halley. I remember when I was a kid, I don’t have a best friend to be called. There’s no kid in my h...
5 comments
Read more

Things about Book Lovers

Some people never understand my fondness on reading a book. I even found myself keeping secret when buying books, making sure the price tag was neatly removed and receipts were put in trash.. it's because I had these feeling some people may not understand me spending money on books when there are more other things to be priorized or more valuable than it. Here are the list I think only book lovers would understand.. We know the uniqueness of a book. We know it will always be different than any other movie adaptation. It's not that we want to criticize those movies, we know that they had put a lot of work for that. They would never understand our disappointment when our expectations wasn't met after watching the movie knowing we had read the book. Having a hard copy.  Nowadays, reading any books you want is so easy thru ebooks, ipad, kindle, etc. I admit, I've been a fan of ebooks for some time, as my budget limits me from buying books most of the time. ...
3 comments
Read more

just some thoughts after ages?..

Oh my!.. it's been ages since the last time I wrote something here in my blog.. haaayz..  These past few weeks, I really had this feeling of missing "blogging".. but then I can't find time alone for my thoughts.. My work schedule now doesn't allow me to have some extra time for doing things I used to do. i remember, when I'm still at my previous work, I have lots time of doings things I want to do like these.. blogging.. reading.. chatting with my friend online.. surfing the net.. everything I want.. even during my work. Like I used to say before, I'm always on the "pethics mode" back there, it's because of the nature of my work. Until one day, I felt like I'm so bored to the point of resigning from my work there and started to find a job where I can be more productive.  Now, I'm almost working for a year here in my new work. I'd like to think if I am successful with what I am looking for when I started to think of leaving m...
3 comments
Read more