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why oh why ??..


I’m tired of explaining myself. I’m not perfect. There are times that I am clumsy or dumb in some of my ways like decision-making, that it’s too late to realize that someone was hurt because of my actions when in the first place, I do not intend to hurt anybody, it just that I’m so confuse and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes, I’m so captivated with everything that’s happening around me that I tend to neglect some people because I decided to be in favor of someone else, then again they will start sulking at me.

Why is it always like that? Why is it we always have to think first and consider someone else’s feeling before doing anything? When will be time that I can do all I want or decide for anything that no one will get hurt in the end? Can’t we just do anything without hurting anybody? Why can’t I do whatever that makes me happy or things I consider to be the best, and just hope that everyone around me will be happy for me.  Am I being selfish because of this kind of thinking? Is the old saying “you can’t please everyone” applies to this?

I miss you. I miss them. I miss those people I’ve unintentionally hurt because of my actions. I’m so sad because I think I am starting to lose the person who’s been so good to me from the day I knew her. I tried to reach out but to no avail. I think I’m doing my best to reach her but I think it wasn’t enough. I’m tired of explaining. I’m tired of saying sorry, because I’m afraid saying it constantly would be non-sense and would just erase the true meaning of it. I’m afraid to be ignored forever. 

I’m so stupid! I feel so sorry for myself and for what happened. Wish I can do something to make it right. :((

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