Skip to main content

why oh why ??..


I’m tired of explaining myself. I’m not perfect. There are times that I am clumsy or dumb in some of my ways like decision-making, that it’s too late to realize that someone was hurt because of my actions when in the first place, I do not intend to hurt anybody, it just that I’m so confuse and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes, I’m so captivated with everything that’s happening around me that I tend to neglect some people because I decided to be in favor of someone else, then again they will start sulking at me.

Why is it always like that? Why is it we always have to think first and consider someone else’s feeling before doing anything? When will be time that I can do all I want or decide for anything that no one will get hurt in the end? Can’t we just do anything without hurting anybody? Why can’t I do whatever that makes me happy or things I consider to be the best, and just hope that everyone around me will be happy for me.  Am I being selfish because of this kind of thinking? Is the old saying “you can’t please everyone” applies to this?

I miss you. I miss them. I miss those people I’ve unintentionally hurt because of my actions. I’m so sad because I think I am starting to lose the person who’s been so good to me from the day I knew her. I tried to reach out but to no avail. I think I’m doing my best to reach her but I think it wasn’t enough. I’m tired of explaining. I’m tired of saying sorry, because I’m afraid saying it constantly would be non-sense and would just erase the true meaning of it. I’m afraid to be ignored forever. 

I’m so stupid! I feel so sorry for myself and for what happened. Wish I can do something to make it right. :((

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

if not me, then who would be?..

An excerpt from the book Someone Like You by Sarah Dessen: Halley and Scarlett have been best friends ever since they met. Halley has always been the quiet one; Scarlett braver and more outgoing. Halley has always turned to Scarlett when things get rough, and Scarlett has always known just what to do. It’s the perfect set up. But everything changes at the beginning of their junior year. Scarlett’s boyfriend is killed in a motorcycle accident; then she finds out that she is carrying his baby. For the first time ever, Scarlett really needs Halley. Now Halley has to how to be strong for Scarlett. It won’t be easy, but Halley knows that she can’t let Scarlett down. Because a true friend is a promise you keep forever. ~~ This is definitely not a book review. I think I’m not good at it. I just realized while reading and after finishing it, that I can relate to the character of Halley. I remember when I was a kid, I don’t have a best friend to be called. There’s no kid in my h...
5 comments
Read more

Trauma has its name..

Some of us aren't lucky enough to have a glorious childhood or teenage days. Some of us have to dealt with terrible loneliness, crying their selves to sleep, sitting alone in the park, constant yelling at home, much worst seeing their parents hurt each other both verbally/emotionally and physically. As I grow up, my sense of insecurity also grew up rapidly whenever I saw some kid having bonding moment with their families or having a good laugh over something or just petty things. Asking myself every time, will it get better? But I know, things won't change in a snap of your finger or a tick of a magic wand just like in some fairy tales we've watched when we were a kid. I grew up believing, happiness will come to me if I work hard for myself, for them to provide whatever they need. Maybe, just maybe things will change.  Physical wounds heals easy, but emotional pains stays within you. It is forcefully stored inside, keeping it from others to see, it will either make you or b...
Post a Comment
Read more

FOR YOU..

For the independent ones, who doesn't let their family know their worries because they don't like them to be worried about anything. For the breadwinners, who many times have nothing left on their pockets but still have to find way just to provide. For the strong ones, who choose to stand still because they know they don't have anyone as back-up but themselves. For those who choose to go on, because they know giving up is not option, because what will happen to everyone they care if it's just them who holds it together. For those who sets aside their happiness because there is more important than that. This is for YOU. Though many times, things happens not as much what you want or planned for, one day, time will come, everything will take its place accordingly. One day, you will no longer worry for tomorrow. One day, you no longer stare at your monthly expenses or your monthly bills, thinking where you will get it. One day, you will no longer feel guilty whenever you b...
Post a Comment
Read more