When I was in highschool, probably on my 2nd year, I remember our teacher made us do a journal, that we need to design with whatever we want to before putting something to write. I used a plain notepad I bought in national bookstore and designed it with dried rose petals on each page as a border. It was so cute that it looked like an old diary. By the way, I can't recall where did I got those rose petals or to whom are those because I'm sure it's not mine. I remember putting those in between the pages of my book weeks before that so it could dry the way I want it.
Anyway, the first task our teacher told us to do was to write something how do we see ourselves 10 years from now (that time). I was so young, and thought that life awaits for me is just that simple. I remember writing about me working as a typical office girl, with nothing on my mind or no idea at all what kind of job I would be working. By the age of 25, I remember writing that I see myself having my own family, happy one, a good and responsible husband and a child atleast one. Looking back, this seems to be non-sense.
Fast forward, I'm now working as Quality Junior Team Lead in a BPO industry. Already passed the age I thought of something I think I should be way back, still single, no family or a kid of my own. Is it just me, that I lost counting my age after 25, that I have to calculate the current year vs my birth year if I'm asked or if I have to put my age on any form?
Anyway, back to reflecting my life. When I was young, I thought life was simple, like it was a timetable where everyone has to follow and go through, you go to school, finish college, have a decent job and then build your own family eventually, simple as that.
Sometimes I asked myself, is that really what I want? Do I still want that kind of life, exactly how I see myself back then? Career wise, I know myself I won't be satisfied with just a typical office girl, I crave for growth and opportunities, and practically with the life we have and my role in our family, that won't suffice. With all the demands of life that we have to face daily, sometimes I found myself staring on my notes, on my list of expenses and bills I have to settle. And now, I'm not really so sure if I still want to have a family of my own or even have a child, with the responsibilities that comes with it. There's a lot going on in daily, challenges, worries.. that sometimes I don't know where my life is going to.
As I grow old, I realized life is more than that. That everyone of us is different, every path we make is different and more importantly we have our different timelines. Our current life may not be the same or not just the way we wanted or dreamed of when we were young, but I'm sure it's better, and maybe it is just the way it should be, we may not see it or appreciate it now, but I'm sure God's plan is way better than ours.
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