my thoughts in bare

it hurts when.. u absolutely know the truth but you refuse to believe it.. everything you have invested (especially emotionally) are wasted.. that after all you've done, still.. it's not enough.. after all the hurt someone has caused you, you still care for that person.. you hope for something even if it is hopeless.. it's hard for you to accept your mistakes but still you don't want to regret it.. you expect for something then eventually get disappointed.. you've been used to something then suddenly it was gone.. when you have lots to say to someone but you don't have a chance to do it.. you have so much for someone but you've given so little time to show it.. you know exactly what to do but you don't know how and when to begin.. you want to turn back time, to make things the way it used to be but u can't.. you misses someone but there's nothing you can do about it.. you realized that promises are made to be broken.. th...

At last, after the long wait for almost four months now, I started working last August 9, 2010. I've been waiting for this, the past few months has been very dull and crucial for me. Crucial because for the financial aspect, imagine I was a bum for almost four months. And that means, I have to depend on all my needs from my family, including my necessity even like simple as shampoo. Then, there it follows those cases that I can't go out with my friends simply because I don't have money and I can't take to beg from them just because of that, besides, hanging out with friends is not on their priorities, that would just mean as an unnecessary expenses for them. Besides from my personal agenda, next to it is the general family financial problem. Then, it is very uncomfortable on my part of being useless because all my life since I graduated from college, I started working for them and not depending on them. Admit it, without money you don't have the means for everything...

It's been a while since the last time I wrote here in my blog. Actually, I've done a lot of drafts that was supposedly to be post here but for some reason I'm not satisfied so I decided to discard all of it. Blogging has been a part of me, especially this became a tool or shall I say an output of my emotions. It's an online journal for me, where I can burst out some of the unspoken words. One more thing about it, is that this became a means of communication between me and my friend, for us to keep updated on whatever that's happening to us. Few days ago, I received an email from her, at the end of her email, her words triggered something inside of me, I don't know what it is, but one thing for sure she was right! She said that because I wasn't blogging regularly for few months now, it's like she's not updated with my life now though we managed to have a constant email to each other, same as me with her, since I wasn't able to read her blogs. ...

I remember, someone asked me this, "if given a chance, what superpower do you want to have?".. back then, I answered I wish I had the power to teleport into different places in an instant, so that I would have the opportunity to travel into places I've never been anytime I want and without expenses needed. But now, I realize that's not what I want anymore. Now I wish I had the power to manipulate things that happened or could happen. If only I could turn back time and change things to make it better, I would. If only, I could foresee the future so that I would know if something bad will happen.. so that I can change it or avoid it beforehand. But this is impossible.. this is the reality, what's done is done. We can never bring back the past no matter how we want it badly. That there are some things in our life that's beyond our control. Anyway, the important thing is now. Now is the time to learn from the past and make better things. Yes, it's easy to ...

- not all we want is worth the risk - sometimes, we need to push ourselves too much to realize our limits - never let someone hurt you twice, if he had done it once, it's bound to happen again.. Once is enough to learn.. - giving someone a second chance is exposing yourself to be hurt again because no matter what he do to you you'll just accept him over and over again.. - it's not wrong to love yourself more - there's no such thing as give and take in a relationship, it's more on give, give and give..until your heart voluntarily quits. - it's true that a bastard is always a bastard! - reality is, it's not always like a fairytale. sometimes, it's just an illusion created for you to believe that there is a happy ending. - don't refuse to see the signs when it's already showing you that everything is going on the wrong direction - and most of all, somebody may leave you but true friends never will..

There are two kinds of person that exists here in the world,  the first one are those who fooled people and the other one are those who are fooled. I know that, just as good and bad guys exist. But then, I just can't believe that those people, the first one I mentioned, really do exist. I just can't believe how come it seems so easy for them to hurt people, to let someone hope for something that will never happen, to believe and trust them, then afterwards leaving that someone wounded. Don't they have conscience?..  Don't they know how to play fair?.. I don't want to think that he's that kind of person. I don't want to believe it. I still want to believe that there is good in him, that it's not his intention, that he really cares for me but then it's just not enough.. that's why things didn't happen the way I wanted.. Sometimes, I wish I can make him feel how much pain he caused me. That I can make revenge for what he did, to get even with ...

In making choices in our life, they say that we do have two options, doing the right thing or doing the good thing. When I first heard this, i thought it was a little bit confusing .. what's the difference?..  Doing the right thing means you do it because that's the way it should be. It is when your mind supersedes your heart. When we say doing the good thing, it is for the best not just for your own good but to others too.  You will always see what's wrong when you are right, but you will never know which is right when you are happy doing wrong. Sometimes we need other people just to remind us what is right or wrong in order for us to realize what we are doing.  This time, I choose to do the right thing.  Maybe, it's not right to continue living with something which is already wrong from the very beginning.  Maybe, it would be better this way . But if it hurts too much, how can it possibly be the right thing? How i wish I'm not that stupid and weak.. s...