Skip to main content

my thoughts as of now..

I wonder how transparent I am in front of other people around me or are they just too observant to notice me?.. I tried to act like normal and continue to do the things I have to do. I thought no one bothers to notice me but I’m wrong. This afternoon, I was told by my boss that I’m sad. He asked me if I had a fight with “him”. I didn’t manage to answer back, I just smiled at him. I thought my eyes are already dry from crying. I said I will never cry again but with just simple words from my boss made me cry. I have to turn my back from him to hide the tears. shameful.. grrrrr.. I almost say it loud to him that I didn’t have a fight with “him”, wish I had.. so I can say straight to his face how he made me feel and see his reaction. I’d rather hear it than be in silence and you don’t know what to think and feel.


When you’re going through like this, have u asked yourself what is…


“the most tiring thing to do? – it is to think. To think of someone who don’t even think of you.” – I’m tired of thinking about him, I wanted to stop but sometimes I can’t help it. I tried making myself busy but he keeps on linger on my mind. I hate it! When will be time when before I sleep at night and woke up in the morning that I wouldn’t be thinking about him anymore?..


“the most expensive? – it is to smile. To smile even though you’re hurt.” – I tried to smile but they say my eyes can’t hide it.


“the easiest escape? – it is to pretend. To pretend that you’re happy even though you’re NOT.” – It seems like I am wearing a mask in front of them just to conceal how I felt.


Once a friend told me “they say people come and go but the truth is, no one really disappears from your life. People never really leave, their roles just change”, I wonder what’s his role in my life now?.. could he be a simple acquaintance? haaayz…

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

if not me, then who would be?..

An excerpt from the book Someone Like You by Sarah Dessen: Halley and Scarlett have been best friends ever since they met. Halley has always been the quiet one; Scarlett braver and more outgoing. Halley has always turned to Scarlett when things get rough, and Scarlett has always known just what to do. It’s the perfect set up. But everything changes at the beginning of their junior year. Scarlett’s boyfriend is killed in a motorcycle accident; then she finds out that she is carrying his baby. For the first time ever, Scarlett really needs Halley. Now Halley has to how to be strong for Scarlett. It won’t be easy, but Halley knows that she can’t let Scarlett down. Because a true friend is a promise you keep forever. ~~ This is definitely not a book review. I think I’m not good at it. I just realized while reading and after finishing it, that I can relate to the character of Halley. I remember when I was a kid, I don’t have a best friend to be called. There’s no kid in my h...
5 comments
Read more

Trauma has its name..

Some of us aren't lucky enough to have a glorious childhood or teenage days. Some of us have to dealt with terrible loneliness, crying their selves to sleep, sitting alone in the park, constant yelling at home, much worst seeing their parents hurt each other both verbally/emotionally and physically. As I grow up, my sense of insecurity also grew up rapidly whenever I saw some kid having bonding moment with their families or having a good laugh over something or just petty things. Asking myself every time, will it get better? But I know, things won't change in a snap of your finger or a tick of a magic wand just like in some fairy tales we've watched when we were a kid. I grew up believing, happiness will come to me if I work hard for myself, for them to provide whatever they need. Maybe, just maybe things will change.  Physical wounds heals easy, but emotional pains stays within you. It is forcefully stored inside, keeping it from others to see, it will either make you or b...
Post a Comment
Read more

FOR YOU..

For the independent ones, who doesn't let their family know their worries because they don't like them to be worried about anything. For the breadwinners, who many times have nothing left on their pockets but still have to find way just to provide. For the strong ones, who choose to stand still because they know they don't have anyone as back-up but themselves. For those who choose to go on, because they know giving up is not option, because what will happen to everyone they care if it's just them who holds it together. For those who sets aside their happiness because there is more important than that. This is for YOU. Though many times, things happens not as much what you want or planned for, one day, time will come, everything will take its place accordingly. One day, you will no longer worry for tomorrow. One day, you no longer stare at your monthly expenses or your monthly bills, thinking where you will get it. One day, you will no longer feel guilty whenever you b...
Post a Comment
Read more