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Life with Dementia

Life really has surprises. 

Suddenly, the person who used to tell you your worthless, now can no longer recognize you and depends his daily life on you. Calls you different names "day, ne, mam", etc. Has difficulty to function on his own, uncontrolled emotions, sudden burst of anger, etc. 

They say be patient, give a little compassion, take care of him, he's still your family, and so on. Behind these symptoms and bad behavior he's showing as part of his illness, I can't help but think this is just who he is. That until now, he's still giving the same emotional pain we endured for the longest time. And yes, he left us with no choice because it's just us he got to take care of him.

Sometimes, I found myself thinking, what do I really want for him. Does it make me less as a daughter or a person if sometimes I'm not really sure if I want him to get better or not? Does it give me peace, if he can't recognize us? 😥
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