Emotionally Numb

I shed a few tears the moment you stopped breathing. After that, I didn't know what I was feeling anymore. I just started doing everything that needed to be done for your funeral, going to St. Peter, buying your clothes, arranging food for the wake, and taking care of all the other details.

I don't understand how some people are able to cry out loud when they lose someone they love. I don't even know if what I'm feeling is sadness, grief, depression, or something else entirely. When someone told us to talk to you, I just stared blankly at your casket, lost for words and emotionally numb.

But when night falls and the world grows quiet, that's when it hits me. My chest starts to tighten, and the weight of losing you becomes harder to ignore.

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lessons learned..

- not all we want is worth the risk - sometimes, we need to push ourselves too much to realize our limits - never let someone hurt you twice, if he had done it once, it's bound to happen again.. Once is enough to learn.. - giving someone a second chance is exposing yourself to be hurt again because no matter what he do to you you'll just accept him over and over again.. - it's not wrong to love yourself more - there's no such thing as give and take in a relationship, it's more on give, give and give..until your heart voluntarily quits. - it's true that a bastard is always a bastard! - reality is, it's not always like a fairytale. sometimes, it's just an illusion created for you to believe that there is a happy ending. - don't refuse to see the signs when it's already showing you that everything is going on the wrong direction - and most of all, somebody may leave you but true friends never will..

we're not the lucky ones .. :)

Eat Bulaga ! It is the longest running noon time show here in the Philippines. One of the highlights of the show is the “Juan for All, All for Juan” game. It signifies unity among the Filipinos. The hosts will go to a certain barangay everyday, they will pick a winner from the entry box which contains registration forms from the residents. The lucky winner will be given some foods, products and appliances courtesy of the sponsors, and of course a big amount of money. After that, they had also like “bring me” sort of game, they will lay out numbers from 1-150, and all who wished to join the game should bring 10 plastic bottles and a specific thing that the host will ask them. The hosts will pick up a random number, the chosen number will then receive prizes. After each month, the hosts will choose 3 barangays who will win a prize as the most organized, cleanest, and well-disciplined community. The plastic bottles collected from the residents of the barangay were use to be recycle in ...

if only..

I remember, someone asked me this, "if given a chance, what superpower do you want to have?".. back then, I answered I wish I had the power to teleport into different places in an instant, so that I would have the opportunity to travel into places I've never been anytime I want and without expenses needed. But now, I realize that's not what I want anymore. Now I wish I had the power to manipulate things that happened or could happen. If only I could turn back time and change things to make it better, I would. If only, I could foresee the future so that I would know if something bad will happen.. so that I can change it or avoid it beforehand. But this is impossible.. this is the reality, what's done is done. We can never bring back the past no matter how we want it badly. That there are some things in our life that's beyond our control. Anyway, the important thing is now. Now is the time to learn from the past and make better things. Yes, it's easy to ...

my thoughts in bare

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