At last, after the long wait for almost four months now, I started working last August 9, 2010. I've been waiting for this, the past few months has been very dull and crucial for me. Crucial because for the financial aspect, imagine I was a bum for almost four months. And that means, I have to depend on all my needs from my family, including my necessity even like simple as shampoo. Then, there it follows those cases that I can't go out with my friends simply because I don't have money and I can't take to beg from them just because of that, besides, hanging out with friends is not on their priorities, that would just mean as an unnecessary expenses for them. Besides from my personal agenda, next to it is the general family financial problem. Then, it is very uncomfortable on my part of being useless because all my life since I graduated from college, I started working for them and not depending on them. Admit it, without money you don't have the means for everything.
One more thing, I must say that those months has been very emotionally crucial for me. I thought I am nearly becoming insane.. ( well, this one is a bit exaggerating ). I don't have someone to talk to, I don't have a friend beside me. Imagine, how come did I survive those months?.. For those lonely days and nights, I was talking to myself, trying to contemplate things, what went wrong and what to do.
As I said earlier, becoming insane is a bit exaggerating. I know I will not be that, I can't be that.. for this this simple reason, people around me foresee me as a strong person. That whatever come my way, no matter how worst it is, I can surpass it and that I wouldn't do any unreasonable or harsh things. All I would do is cry and cry until my eyes run dry and I voluntarily quit from that. Because of that, of people around me, I have to be strong...
Now, I am very thankful that finally I am working, besides the fact that I would be able to help my family again, there would be no more dull moments for me. Here in my new work, I am starting to enjoy the nature of my work despite of the not so good working schedule and especially making new friends.
For the past few weeks, I realized how much I missed working and laughing at the same time. Thank GOD for having nice new colleagues. I am experiencing again to laugh out loud.. : D
I am becoming "ME" again!...
Thursday, August 26, 2010
an escape..
It's been a while since the last time I wrote here in my blog. Actually, I've done a lot of drafts that was supposedly to be post here but for some reason I'm not satisfied so I decided to discard all of it.
Blogging has been a part of me, especially this became a tool or shall I say an output of my emotions. It's an online journal for me, where I can burst out some of the unspoken words. One more thing about it, is that this became a means of communication between me and my friend, for us to keep updated on whatever that's happening to us.
Few days ago, I received an email from her, at the end of her email, her words triggered something inside of me, I don't know what it is, but one thing for sure she was right! She said that because I wasn't blogging regularly for few months now, it's like she's not updated with my life now though we managed to have a constant email to each other, same as me with her, since I wasn't able to read her blogs.
"nget, I'm sorry if you feel that way, I didn't intend to... "
Actually, it's not that I'm not satisfied with all the blogs I have wrote, it's all fine. You know why I decided to discard all of it?.. It's not to keep from you or with my other friend who might read it but to keep it from me. I tried to lock myself, to deny whatever I am feeling and maybe to escape from it. I refused to talk about it or even think about it because I thought it would be better that way. I can be myself like I used to, laugh and talk with my friends and other people, but I'm wrong, it just make things worst.
One more thing, I was so afraid that she would be sick of my outburst, since I have nothing to think of what to write here on my blog but all about my sentiments.. sorry..
Blogging has been a part of me, especially this became a tool or shall I say an output of my emotions. It's an online journal for me, where I can burst out some of the unspoken words. One more thing about it, is that this became a means of communication between me and my friend, for us to keep updated on whatever that's happening to us.
Few days ago, I received an email from her, at the end of her email, her words triggered something inside of me, I don't know what it is, but one thing for sure she was right! She said that because I wasn't blogging regularly for few months now, it's like she's not updated with my life now though we managed to have a constant email to each other, same as me with her, since I wasn't able to read her blogs.
"nget, I'm sorry if you feel that way, I didn't intend to... "
Actually, it's not that I'm not satisfied with all the blogs I have wrote, it's all fine. You know why I decided to discard all of it?.. It's not to keep from you or with my other friend who might read it but to keep it from me. I tried to lock myself, to deny whatever I am feeling and maybe to escape from it. I refused to talk about it or even think about it because I thought it would be better that way. I can be myself like I used to, laugh and talk with my friends and other people, but I'm wrong, it just make things worst.
One more thing, I was so afraid that she would be sick of my outburst, since I have nothing to think of what to write here on my blog but all about my sentiments.. sorry..
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