fly like a butterfly..

A butterfly is an insect of the order Lepidoptera. Like all holometabolous butterflies' life cycle consists of four parts, egg, larve, pupa and adult. Most species are diurnal. The diverse patterns formed by their brightly coloured wings and their erratic flight have made butterfly watching a hobby. (from wikipedia.org)

I like butterflies, I don’t know why aside from its beauty. Maybe because for me, I find it a very peaceful feeling every time I saw a butterfly flying and lingering around a flower or even in a simple plant. It symbolizes different things depending on the perception of a person. Some people say that when a butterfly lands on you it means good luck. Sometimes, it also depends on the color of the butterfly, for instance a black butterfly lingering around your house means death of one of the member of the family. Anyway, all of this symbolism has nothing to do with my interest in butterflies.

It can be use for decorations and art. I remember I had a candle holder which looks like a mini lamp with butterflies in different colors as a design to it. It was given by a friend to me as Christmas present which I treasure up to now. (I know you’ll read this ^_^ ) She said I can use it for meditation, there’s a joke behind this which the two of us only knew (I hope u still remember it until now ^_^ ). When you lit a candle inside it, you’ll see the images of butterflies reflected from the lamp, that’s the best I like from it.

Sometimes, I wonder what the butterflies think when it flies. I see freedom and calmness on it when it flies. I like the simple way of the butterfly lives, the way it picks a flower where it fed on to. I hope people are like them too, that when you want something you can easily decide on what you really want and at the same time you can easily get what you want just like the butterfly it can choose whatever flower it likes.

words unspoken..

All my life, I always wished for a happy family. For some people, they thought I’ve got everything I’ve wanted, nice job, happy family and a lot of friends. But the truth is they’re all wrong, yes I have a job, I chose the term job because I don’t consider this as a lifetime career, for now it’s just a source of income to sustain our needs. I don’t have anything to say with regards to my friends, I have a lot of them, true friends which I keep up to now. The main problem that depresses me much is my family.

* to my parents

I’m sorry because we can’t give you the life that you wanted. I’m sorry because I can’t give you any assurance for now if and how will I achieve what you want for us like having our own house and the studies of my two younger siblings. I’m sorry for the frustrations brought by my other siblings to you. I always asked myself if the main source of our misunderstandings is money. Sad to say, money brings conflicts to family. I’m thinking what if we have enough money for everything we need, is this all gonna end? I can’t tell you all my plans in my life, because I don’t want to give you false hopes. I’m afraid to lose this battle I’ve always fought for, the battle of life. Pa, I pray for your health, for your full recovery. Thanks for the eagerness to stand your role as a father to us; you showed a good example for being such a responsible father to us. Ma, may you find peace, patience and forgiveness in your heart for all that happened to us. Please don’t lose hope.

* to my kuya

Thanks for being there and staying with us, you’ve made a great sacrifice in your own life just for us. Thanks for being patient and responsible brother. I’m always scared in just a mere thought of you leaving us and making your own life. Although I know, this will not be forever and time will come you also need to face your own life. If that time will come, don’t worry I will not be angry to you, you did enough. I just have to prepare myself for the responsibility you may leave with me. I can do it with the Lord’s guidance.

* to my ate

I know you’re sorry for the mistakes you’ve made, you just don’t have enough courage to say sorry to them. I know it takes a lot of courage to do it. Even if you say so, sometimes a word sorry is not enough to pick up the pieces that is already broken. Please don’t lose hope, be strong not just for you but for the sake of your daughter. May you find light in your mind and in your heart on what you really want in your life. Everything will be alright if you just help yourself too.

* to my friends

Thanks for being there always, for being patient hearing my stories, for keeping the friendship. You really don’t know how it helps me to go through this, it gives me strength just a thought that you’re there and ready to listen. You don’t need to speak just to assure me that you’re there. I don’t have to mention names, you knew it!

pissed off!

According to wikipedia.org:

Laziness (also called indolence) is disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so. It is often used as a pejorative. Chronic laziness may be an underlying psychological condition.

***

We all have our lazy days. Times when we are not in the mood to work. I believe, it is just normal to feel this way once in a while. But if the feeling of laziness becomes constant, then I think there’s something already wrong.

When you are surrounded with lazy people, it also affects you. Chances are, you also tends to be lazy too. As I said, it’s just normal if it’s once in a while and besides, it’s up to you on how to handle it. In my case, it pisses me off being with someone so lazy everyday. As if it is already a routine for him. Because of his laziness, sometimes it messes everything that should be done. The thing that really pisses me off is that when that person has to pass his task to other person just because he can’t stand from his chair doing some other things and pretending to be cooperative by trying to raise some questions and suggestions but then still not help to do that work. grrrr… Anyway, enough of this, I don’t intend to write a blog about him.

Back to being lazy, there are ways to avoid being lazy. When you’re feeling lazy to do anything this are things that might help. If you have something to do, then just do it, no more waiting and resting especially if you know that you have to do it immediately and it is a priority. Eventually, you won’t notice that you have already finished your task, after this, it will give you some accomplishment and motivate you to do more. Be reasonable, think of the consequences it may cause you when you just go with your feeling of laziness. Besides, it’s not just you who will be affected with your actions. It will also affect your whole personality for the fact that it is indeed a negative trait.

This is just part of my sentiments. I hope that person will realize how he behaved all the time.

family matters..

As I was thinking what to blog, my memory rushed with the thought of my father’s health condition. The recent news about him really struck me. I feel scared for him. Although, it’s not that severe as anyone would think, I hope so, because he still looks normal to us. He just had his x-ray result a week ago, then the doctor diagnosed that his artery in his heart is swollen, aside from that his having a high blood pressure. The doctor said that if not given attention it may possibly result to stroke. As of now, he was advised to rest, balance his food diet and take his medications.

If someone would ask me what the most important thing in my life is, it would be my family. Everything about them matters to me. All my life, I always think of them, it’s them who always come first. It’s them who inspired me to keep going even if everyday is a struggle. They’re with me in my hopes, dreams and in my prayers. They are my strengths but in some point of my life they are also my weakness, just as these past few days. I worry too much for him. I hope he’ll get well soon. Every night I prayed for his recovery, for their long life, to be with us in more years to come.

I can’t imagine my life without them. I owe my life to them; I’ll be nothing if not because of them. It’s just right to return all my gratitude to them. There’s never an instance that I think of just myself. In every decision I made or will make in the near future, they will always be a big factor to consider. Since when I was young, there’s one thing that sticks in my mind that I should always be thankful for being a part of this family God has given to me. I should never take for granted all they’ve done for us and always be a blessing to them.

I thought writing about family would be easier because these people are close to me but obviously I’m wrong. I realized today, it’s hard to open up something that close to your heart without making yourself feel sad.