down to level 17 .. :(

It was just a simple brick game before, now it’s already in facebook and one of the most played applications.

I don’t know when it started. All I remember is my sister influenced me on playing it. At first, I hesitate because I thought I would be hard since I will be playing tetris with someone as a challenger and I have a tendency to panic so I might just ruin the game. After a few months, I’m now a certified TETRIS gamer. :)

I played hard to it until I reached level 21. It may not be the highest level but it’s not a bad thing. It’s my game when I’m already done checking my facebook, when I’m bored and have nothing to do, even when I’m just hanging out with my friends in their house.

A few hours ago, just like any other night before going to sleep, I played tetris. I don’t know my mind is so busy thinking about different things even while playing, I’m not in the good mood and can’t concentrate that’s why I wasn’t able to give a good game. The result?.. I lose a couple of rounds. And the worst part is, from level 21, I went down to level 17 in just a few minutes. grrrrr ... what a shame !

Now I have to play hard again to win and just to reach level 21 again.

ADDICTED to ... books !

I love reading books. I don’t have specific genre or what kind of book I want to read, as long as it’s interesting for me.I think it started out back when I was in High School days. I can still remember the first book I ever read, the “Sweet Valley High” which I only borrowed from my best friend that time. It is actually a series book, from then on I started reading different books/novels.

I’m also addicted to reading tagalog romance novels during my teenage days. I can finish reading atmost 10 pieces of novels a day. My mom would get angry at me that time because I can no longer do any household chores because of that, all I do is just read, read and read the whole day. But nowadays, I don’t read any tagalog romance novels, I don’t know, I just don’t enjoy it anymore. It seems like it doesn’t appeal to me now and I didn’t find it interesting compared before, the stories are so common and boring.

During my College days, I love reading fiction novels; scary stories about aliens, ghosts, super naturals, etc. I am a big fan of Dean Koontz when it comes to fiction books. I also like reading novel versions of movies I have watched. I appreciate both the movies and novels, although they have some differences.

Sometimes I was able to influence my other friends and even my sister who’s not really into reading books. They are intrigued on how enthusiastic I am with what I am reading, then eventually they will borrow it from me and then after that they are as addicted to books as me. :D

Right now, I have lots of e-books collections of different authors saved in my laptop, it is actually from my friend who is also addicted to reading books. I don’t know yet how will I read them one by one since I’ve been busy to work these past few days. But, I’m hoping I could because it’s one of my goal this year; to read more books compared to last year.

this can't be !.. :((

A few years ago, this is just a personal blog, only few people knew this before. Most of them are my closest friends. But it’s different now, last month I shared one of my post in my facebook . Many are surprised that I am into blogging. Even those people who are just an ordinary officemate or acquaintance are now following and reading my blog. It’s really overwhelming that they are interested and somehow they appreciate what I am writing. But at the same time, it’s a little embarrassing on my part because I’m not used to compliments of other people. Sometimes, I wanted to post something personal but I am now hesitant to do it because some people around me might read it and I’m too scared to know their reactions about how I feel, that they might just laugh on me.

Like now, I have something in my mind to post. I want to burst my emotions into blogging but I can’t. I want to cry but instead all I do is just smile. This is not really a serious problem. I don’t know... I don’t understand myself anymore.. I don’t know why I am feeling this, this can’t be!.. haaaays .. :(

if not me, then who would be?..

An excerpt from the book Someone Like You by Sarah Dessen:

Halley and Scarlett have been best friends ever since they met. Halley has always been the quiet one; Scarlett braver and more outgoing. Halley has always turned to Scarlett when things get rough, and Scarlett has always known just what to do. It’s the perfect set up. But everything changes at the beginning of their junior year. Scarlett’s boyfriend is killed in a motorcycle accident; then she finds out that she is carrying his baby. For the first time ever, Scarlett really needs Halley. Now Halley has to how to be strong for Scarlett. It won’t be easy, but Halley knows that she can’t let Scarlett down. Because a true friend is a promise you keep forever.

~~

This is definitely not a book review. I think I’m not good at it. I just realized while reading and after finishing it, that I can relate to the character of Halley.

I remember when I was a kid, I don’t have a best friend to be called. There’s no kid in my hometown that is in my same age. I only have a sister, she’s two years older than me. The characters of Someone Like You is like us, me as Halley the quiet one; my sister as Scarlett the more outgoing person. I have some friends in school but not in our hometown. So, since childhood I always depend on my sister. Because I don’t have friends of my own, I’m always with her wherever she goes, although sometimes I know it’s kind of irritating on her part. I always look up to her, knowing that she’s my older sister, I feel safe and comfortable when I’m with her.

Things changed when we grew up. Just like Scarlett in the story, my sister had an unexpected pregnancy when she was 23 yrs. old, things didn’t work out well between her and her boyfriend, but I wished he also died years ago just like the boyfriend of Scarlett in the story. I’m the first one in the family who got to know her situation that time. I remember, she’s so depressed and crying when she told me about that. I don’t know what to do because I know my mom would get angry and disappointed as well. I’m not sure what would happen next, but one thing I am sure of that time, I have to be strong for her, I have to support her whatever happens even if it means that my mom would also get angry with me. That chapter of her life had caused so much drama in our family, you may imagine some stories from soap opera in TV if you want. Since then, I promised myself that I would do everything to support her and her child, help them in any ways, protect them to whoever who’ll try to hurt them and from those who had hurt them, and stand by them no matter what happen.

Our life is quite okay now, it’s not in a rough roads anymore. The child grew up with us, she’s such a blessing and she brings joy to the family. As she grew up, I’m not only her tita but also somewhat a parent to her. People would sometimes tell me that it’s the other way around between me and my sister. That because she’s the older one; and I’m younger than her, I should be the one who would always look up and depend on her just like when we are young. My older brother once asked me why does I keep on helping her until now, that maybe because of that I’m also spoiling and teaching her to depend on me and I’m not doing any good for her to stand by herself. This is what I keep on telling my brother and my parents, “if I will stop helping her, supporting her and understanding her; then who would be? No one would understand her, what she been through and what more will she be going through, the way I do.” This is not only her life, it’s her daughter’s life and also my life.

we're not the lucky ones .. :)

Eat Bulaga ! It is the longest running noon time show here in the Philippines. One of the highlights of the show is the “Juan for All, All for Juan” game. It signifies unity among the Filipinos. The hosts will go to a certain barangay everyday, they will pick a winner from the entry box which contains registration forms from the residents. The lucky winner will be given some foods, products and appliances courtesy of the sponsors, and of course a big amount of money. After that, they had also like “bring me” sort of game, they will lay out numbers from 1-150, and all who wished to join the game should bring 10 plastic bottles and a specific thing that the host will ask them. The hosts will pick up a random number, the chosen number will then receive prizes. After each month, the hosts will choose 3 barangays who will win a prize as the most organized, cleanest, and well-disciplined community. The plastic bottles collected from the residents of the barangay were use to be recycle in exchange of chairs to be donated in some schools.

Last March 07, 2012, our barangay was lucky to be visited by the said show and have played the “All for Juan, Juan for All”. Everyone was excited prior to that day when the staffs of that show gave registration forms for all the residents. Everyone is wishing and hoping that they would be the winner, plus they’re all excited to see the celebrity hosts in person.

Apparently, were not the lucky ones. Even in the “bring me” sort of game, my sister did not win either. It’s quite shameful because there are lots of greedy people who’ll do everything just to win in that game. Nevertheless, because the staffs noticed that some of the lines are not organized and the people lined up there are not well-behaved which I think came from other barangays, I’m happy to say that the said line was disqualified and didn’t received any amount of consolation prize. Anyway, Ate Nita, who is the godmother of my niece wins that day. ^_^

In this kind of game show, we can see how hopeful are the people to win. Of course, who would not want to have an instant big amount of money?

bitter or what ?!..

Why does people can’t just be happy with other people’s achievements? Why they have to compare themselves to others if they didn’t get what they had expected? I just don’t get it!..

We had just received our performance rank for the last quarter of fiscal year 2011. A few days ago, it’s been a talk in our office. Everyone is a little bit excited about it because it has an equivalent performance incentive depends on your ranking. I didn’t expect anything because I don’t want to get disappointed again, just like what happened when they announced the benefits roll-out for the fiscal year 2012. One more thing, I didn’t expect anything because of what I have been through for the first quarter of FY 2011. I thought that it could have some impact on the performance ranking.

Anyway, here’s the good news on my part. My supervisor congratulates me because I got a higher rank among the peer group compared last fiscal year. She was happy about it considering my warning status before. She said she saw my great improvements and how I took it positively. She told me to maintain it and strive harder to explore other opportunities and level up.

Then, this is the worst part of receiving the good news, not everyone is happy about it. Some are disappointed because they didn’t get what they had expected; one of them is a friend of mine. She was upset after receiving her performance rank, she got a lower rank, maybe she expected too much. But, she became more upset after knowing my performance rank. I felt it.. I knew it, based on her reactions. I was a little bit offended the way she reacted and the words she said a while ago. She keeps on complaining why does she got the lower rank compared to mine. Although she didn’t told me directly, it’s like I don’t deserved it more than she deserves to be in my performance rank. It’s like I don’t have the ability to excel like others. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it so I just shrugged it off. What I did is, I just sympathized with her. Maybe, she doesn’t mean to offend me that way, maybe because she just carried away with disappointment she’s feeling a while ago. I don’t know ...

Why can’t she just be happy with what I received?... considering that I'm her friend. I deserved it, more than anyone else. I worked hard for it. No one has the right to tell me or try to insinuate in any way that I don’t deserved it.

This is my time, so as they had theirs. When they received the good news regarding the benefits roll-out for FY 2012 and I didn’t got mine, did I complain to them? Did I compare myself to them, on how they performed? Did I ask them to sympathize with me when they’re all happy and I’m upset then? NO, because even if I didn’t get what I wanted before just like them, I know my worth and my capacity. So, I waited and instead, continue what I have started.

to leave or not to leave ??..

A few weeks ago, I was so persistent on finding a new job. I was determined to leave my present work. Everyday, I have endless complains about my present work, the compensation, the supervisors, and the management. It’s like every day, I am just pushing myself to go to work.

Last week, I went with my two friends in an outsourcing company. They referred us to try to apply in a call center. We didn’t like it, we told them that we wanted a back office position instead, since we don’t have any call center experience and that our previous work experiences is just a non-voice position in a BPO industry. The Account Manager insisted that we should try to apply as a Call Center Representative, she said that we can speak well in English and besides there’s no harm in trying, so we did. Last Thursday, we applied as a Call Center Representative somewhere in Makati. Among the three of us, I am the only one who fortunately passed the initial interview and exams. I wasn’t interviewed for the final interview because there’s no schedule for final interview that day and that they said that I should inform first my current work supervisors about my plan of resigning. I still have to wait until next week my final interview schedule.

Now that I have an opportunity to have a new work, I am now having a second thought of not leaving my present work if ever I pass the final interview next week. I don’t know why, or maybe because I am just afraid to take risks. I’m afraid to leave my “comfort zone”. I still consider it as my “comfort zone” because although sometimes I keep on complaining about my work, I know I can still handle it. I don’t want to leave yet my friends there, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have that kind of friends again in a new work environment, I’m afraid to leave the friendship bond we created. I’m afraid that I might regret leaving my work since I am regular employee there and accepting a new job means, going back to zero with regards to employment status. I’m afraid that I might have a hard time adjusting to a new work. I’m afraid to realize soon after a few months that I can’t handle the new job and that I don’t like it.

Honestly, I don’t know what I really want now. I have to think carefully before I make decisions or else, I’ll end up regretting again.

weakness ..

Everyone has or have our own weaknesses. Something in particular we always wanted to keep in ourselves or shall I say to keep from others. Something that is considered as a sensitive topic, something that when brought out or being talked about or even use as a simple joke, you don’t know how to act. You feel so uneasy about it.

Imagine being in an interview when you’re applying for a job. When asked about your strengths, it’s so easy for us to think of something we could consider as our strengths. It’s a different thing when we’re asked about our weakness and how did we handle or overcome it. It’s also the same feeling when it comes to our own personal weaknesses. Those things are something that we hardly admit to ourselves. Something we don’t want to talk about, sometimes.

AGE. Your age is the number of years that you have lived. It is the state of being old or the process of becoming older.

I have a friend who’s so sensitive about her age. Our age ranges from 22 – 28 years old. She’s the oldest in our group. Everyone noticed her uneasiness when it is being talked. I can feel it too because I, myself is also sensitive about it. Though, we know that sometimes it is just for fun, we don’t know how to respond on a joke about age. All we did is just smile, because when we try to speak to play with their jokes, sometimes we just sounded like a defensive one. Bottom line is, they will all laugh about it. No one wanted to be the center of a joke and the feeling that everyone is making fun of you.

People in nature, doesn’t want to consider as old. These maybe because at the back of our mind, we always wanted to stay young. Sometimes, older people likes being with younger people; then younger people likes being with older people. It’s vice-versa. But one thing I realized about it, when you’re with younger people you learn how to enjoy more with your life. Younger people are tend to be care-free, because all they want is just FUN, FUN, FUN. Likewise, being with older people is an opportunity to learn more and gain knowledge from them, from their experiences.