fear of loosing the friendship..

Our friendship starts back in year 2007. I met her in my previous work, were not really friends at first because we both have our different circle of friends then. My first impression to her was that she was a snob girl (^-^ sorry nget, it’s just my first impression); she doesn’t seem to be friendly so I did not make any move to make friends at her at that time. But things change when we both became a member in one team in our workplace. When the group started to go out and have some fun, that’s the time we started to get along together. In that case, I’m wrong with my first impression to her and that she is not bad at all ^_^. We became more at ease together when she moved to another place and started to go home together after work. Many was surprised that we became friends and we’re laughing about that, what’s the matter if we became friends?..

Although, we both belonged in different religion, it was never an issue to us. I remember, she frequently asked me then if it’s okay with me and my family going out with a Muslim friend and I always answered her that it’s okay and as I said It was never an issue to me as well as with my family. The important thing is we get along well and we both understand each other.

She’s currently working abroad – before, I thought that it would affect our friendship, chances are we both forget each other but thankfully until now we’re still friends. While I was having a chat with her the other day, I made a joke to her that I assume she doesn’t get to the point yet of hiding from me online and forgetting me (coz’, she’s always in invisible status in chat). She said in a joke that, “it’s not yet” then I answered back at her that perhaps then it is possible that it would happen. Although, it was just a joke between us, I was easily affected by it with just a mere thought of losing our friendship.

> normie

I hope our friendship would last.. I ‘ll hold on to that! Thanks for everything and for being a true friend to me. You know, these days it’s very rare now to find a true friend, that’s why I would like to treasure our friendship..

why am i blogging?..

A blog (a contraction of the term "web log") is a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (Art blog), photographs (photoblog), videos (video blogging), music (MP3 blog), and audio (podcasting). Microblogging is another type of blogging, featuring very short posts. (from wikipedia.org)

I started blogging last July 27, 2009 and my first post was about fractured friendships. I wrote that maybe because it was brought by my emotions with regards to my friends. From then on, I continued writing and posting here in my personal blog - personal, because this serves as my online journal or diary. Thru blogging, I can let out my thoughts and emotions without reservations which I can’t show in reality. I don’t need to think of what would people would think of me upon reading my posts, besides it’s my thoughts. I don’t expect every one to understand me and agree with whatever I post here, all I need is respect as I do respect them.

Although, I’m just a beginner in blogging, I’ve always love writing about my thoughts even the time when blogging is not yet discovered. I remember especially during my adolescence period, I always keep a paper and pen with me. Every time, I thought of something and felt that I have no one to talk to, there’s the paper and pen to me. It’s always been like a friend to me who’ll always be there to listen and understand me. Especially when I’m upset; it’s a relief to me every time I’ve finished something I wrote.

Every month, I always assure myself that I wrote something for my blog. I promised myself that I should never stop my passion in writing.

Maybe this was all the purpose of blogging to me.

realizations..

These past few days, I’ve realized something about myself, of me being single. I realized that when I’m alone or trying to sleep at night while listening to music, and one of those songs reminds me of my ex – doesn’t mean that I’m not totally over with him or I regret something I have decided from the past and misses him, but just because I miss having someone..

Late at night, when I climb into my bed, sometimes, I get that lonely ache in my heart as I’m reminded how long it’s been since I’ve been in a relationship and to be loved. I wonder if there are also singles out there like me feeling this way. Sometimes, being single subjects you to be engaged in a very stressful emotional feeling. It never fails that there’s a friend, even family or relatives wonder aloud why up to now I don’t have a boyfriend or someone I would marry someday. Sometimes, I wonder if there is something wrong with me.. I’m not the “ms. popular girl” we used to know with lots of guys courting her - however, I don’t wish to be one. Some would say, I should find someone and I’m not getting any younger. The problem is I’m not the type of girl who’ll play the “do you like me” game or rather make the first move and express your feeling in case you have an eye with someone. Not everyone takes this approach, and I’m one of them.

I often experience a twinge of social stigmatism of being single, especially during holidays in December, January and February – an outcast.

However, being single, makes me have a strong sense of myself – to explore what I really want in my life and give importance to myself. Sometimes, these are the things we deprive from ourselves when being in a relationship. I have the most of my freedom and time to better myself. I have more time to do my hobbies and interests.

It takes me a lot of courage to post this one. As I’ve always said, I don’t like people to know what’s really inside of me and I don’t need pity from them.