This is me..

Most of the time, I preferred being alone in my room just to read a book or write something. There are times that I hate hearing any noise and don't want anybody enter my room. This doesn't mean I am loner, I do go out with friends and I don't have a problem mingling with other people. I just love having myself quiet time, it is where I find peace and calmness in my heart. 

I hate the feeling that I have to please other people. I want to do what I want to do, I want to behave how I want to behave and just be myself without having to think if it's okay with them. If it's not okay with them or if they get mad, I don't care. 

I like being comfortable in everything I wear either going out or just at home. I don't like wearing something catchy because it makes me feel conscious about myself. Yes, I do have girly part of me too... I wear dress and polish my nails sometimes but most of time I preferred wearing jeans/shorts paired with a simple shirt. 

I get annoyed easily and tend to loose patience over things and people around me. I'm not used to staying quiet if I am mad. I know how to fight or speak for what I want or what I think is right. But despite of all this, I am still a crybaby even over simple things. 

I don't know how to forgive easily, and when I do.. I can't forget it all. When I get mad to someone, I can treat him/her like a stranger or like he/she doesn't exist anymore. I don't like being near again to those people again no matter what. 

I tend to overthink about everything and stress myself out.

I am a family-oriented person no matter how hard it is. I love my family despite of everything. I usually fight and speak for them when situation needed it. 

This is me.. I won't change for anybody, either you accept or ignore it. ^_^

Recap

I am trying to look back what happened to my year 2015. Did I played fair enough? Is there any significant memories? Hmmmm… okay, I’ll try to recap, recap, recap!...

First quarter of the year 2015 wasn't so good to me. Everything seems so wrong… I trusted and loved wrong people in my life. I was badly hurt and that I just can’t seem to move on from the realization that those people you've loved are really capable of hurting you intentionally or unintentionally. I came to the point that I really have to make an action, a very tough decision I never thought I could.

Second quarter was a struggle for me. Struggle because it’s the time of the year I was trying to stand by the decisions I have made. I walked away from people who have hurt me in any way. I walked away from places that caused me pain. Today, I was glad I was able to do it all.

Third quarter of the year, I was able to appreciate life more than what it was before. I was able to finally go out from my comfort zone. I learned to appreciate people who’s been there before but never noticed because I was too focused to other things and people I thought I have to keep. I learned to widen more the friendship than I usually have.

Last quarter of the year gave me the most unexpected twist of my life. Nevertheless, it gave me the reason to be strong and smile despite of everything.

Years have passed by but my family hasn't changed at all… it is as if it was always been on the rocks. It’s been so long that I can’t seem to pinpoint what’s the main reason of it all. I've became so tired and hopeless if it’s ever going to change at all.

Anyway, as we welcome the year 2016 I’d like to believe that whatever happened in the past, whatever decisions I have made, whatever pain I have gone through… is that they will all just leave in the past. Today, I don’t want to think anymore those “what ifs” and “should haves” because it will never change whatever I have right now. I’d like to think that my family will be able to forget all the pain, mistakes and hatred to each other as we say goodbye to year 2015 so we could all move on and face life.  Today, I don’t want to make a resolution list just to break them in the long run, instead I’ll try to live every day of my life with a smile on my face, try to keep strong and be extra careful in every actions I have to make as I have to be reminded of every lessons I've learned from the past.