Random Thoughts

"The healthiest homes aren't the ones without problems, the healthiest families are the ones that love each other in the midst of their problems"

I never wished for a perfect family, I never said that I am not grateful for the family I have. They are my strength and my weakness at the same time. I just wished that in the midst of our problems, we could still stay positive and strong enough to handle things, instead of non-stop complaining and blaming each other.

It's no fun of feeling envy or jealous because it makes me feel inadequate and acknowledge what's missing in my life. I can't help not to feel jealous to those people who have a kind of family of somehow close to being perfect. They do have problems too, but they're still able to talk about things and try to fix whatever they are going through. Lack of money was never been a big deal to them, instead they hold on and try to keep the family tight because it's the only thing they have. They're still able to laugh out like there was no tomorrow and they still treat their children like kids, as if they're not growing up, leaving all the pain and mistakes behind.

We do have happy moments too but sometimes when things get rough.. I wish everything was different. It happens over and over again.. and I am so tired of it.

Emergency Room

Last October 29, 2015 at around 1am I was rushed to the Emergency Room due to severe abdominal pain. I was so nervous 'coz it was my first time being admitted in the hospital. Knowing that I don't have any family member with me here in Manila, never thought someone would exert an effort just to stay with me all night in the hospital.

Karen, my roommate, office/teammate, confidante, not just an ordinary friend but more than a friend. What more can I say? I was so overwhelmed to the thought that someone would show so much care for me. She stayed with me from the moment we entered the Emergency Room, while I was being interviewed by nurses and doctors, while the medicines was being injected through my veins as she held my hand. She knew how afraid I was with regards to injections even at my age now.

Luckily, it was just because of hyperacidity but I was advised to observe the level of pain, hoping it's not due to appendicitis. Because of that.. goodbye to coffee, spicy and fatty foods. tsk.. tsk.. :(

We're both exhausted at the time I was finally discharged from the hospital at around 7am due to lack of sleep. Never heard even a single complain from her all night. So thank you so much!!!.. ^_^

#222

Birth Month

November. My birth month. 28 days to go and I'm going 30.

The fact that I'm getting older and all these things running in my head. Honestly, it freaks me out! That feeling like I'm at the edge of a strict timeline, I'm in a situation I can't control and I don't like it.

It's a tough age for us women, you know. So, instead of wallowing out from the thought of getting old, maybe I should try to think the best things of getting 30, surely there is..

Trying to look back for the last 29 years of my life, all those ups and downs, hearbreaks, those times of trying to find myself. For that, I know that I don't have to experience it all again. For that, I know I have learned.

Turning 30, it makes me believe that I am more confident of who I am and what I want. Suddenly, I don't seem to care what might other people say or think about me. It's not being kind of liberating, but I just thought this is my life not theirs.

At this moment, I know what I want for myself and for my family. Maybe I'm still far from what I exactly want, it may take me a few more years but atleast I know I'm still on the right path and I'm still working on it.

When I'm a little younger, I never thought I could have our own house, I never thought I could handle my finances like that. My monthly salary is not that much, but it made me confident enough to say that atleast slowly I am giving the best for them without making myself drowned in debt.

Just because I am turning 30, it doesn't mean I have to live like 60. I know how to have fun and there is always a later time for being an adult. I'm still that same girl trying to find her place in this big world and dreaming that in time everything will fall on its place. :)

Changes

• Traveling Alone.

For the past few months, I've been really really excited about this. I actually made up my plans where to, when and what to do. Suddenly, I am no longer interested and doing it alone. I still want to travel somewhere, but I wanna do it with someone.

• Renting a small place with my sister.

We've talked about this, thinking it's much better for both of us. Lately, she no longer talk about it. She's been busy and happy with her friends at work and especially with his boyfriend. I didn't insist the idea with her anymore, and even if in case she'll open it up again, I don't think I would go for it. I am happy and contented with where I am today.

• Celebrating my Birthday

From the time I got work, I used to celebrate my birthday with friends and family. Going out with friends, mini party at home.. that was me. This time, I want it to celebrate in a different way. I'm still not sure what to do but surely not a party anymore.