Random Thoughts

Sometimes, my mind is such a mess when I'm trying to get a sleep at night. I do a lot of thinking of different things which leads me to overthinking..

These are things my mind usually thinks of..

• I play scenes in my head which I don't know if it's possible to happen.

• I ask myself a lot of questions. 

• I think about all my endless "what ifs"

• I think about all the people I love and loved. 

• I think about all the people I miss.

• I think about all the people I hate and miss at the same time. 

• I think about my plans for the next day.

• I think about my dreams, where I am today, or am I closer to it as of now?

• I think of all the things I want to do alone for a change, but having a second thought if I can really do it. 

Working in a BPO Industry

Why does some people raised eyebrows about working in a BPO industry like it was a bad thing?

http://wikipidea.org
Business process outsourcing (BPO) is a subset of outsourcing that involves the contracting of the operations and responsibilities of a specific business process to a third-party service provider.

Okay, I understand everyone has dreamed or expected that they would eventually get a job that fits what they had studied back in college or preferably somewhat related to their degree of fields. There's nothing wrong about that, by the way! But, I think it's not right to denigrate those working in BPO industry without knowing what it feels like and the perks of working there.

I've been working in two different BPO companies for almost seven years now. I may not be in my dream job or something I am passionate to work with, but how many of us have come to land in their dream job? I am not the only one.. Ironically, most of the population of those who works in BPO are those young adult who reacted differently or those children of parents who raised eyebrows regarding this. Anyway, I didn't write this to rant, I'm writing this post so some people might understand.

It is not just a singular skill based job like some people thought it was. It is not just answering phone calls or processing transactions. Mind you, it is one of the toughest and high-pressured job. Everyday, we have targets to meet and sometimes we are ask to render overtime in order to pull the given targets. We cannot let our customers and clients down. As for me being in a medical field account, there's always someone else's life at stake behind every claim I have to process.

Several international companies are finding ways how to lower operational costs without sacrificing quality of service delivery, BPO is the solution they had. We cannot deny the mere fact that it's growing industry contributes a lot to our economy. And since most of these companies offers competitive compensation package and benefits, it is the job that provides food to most of the families now and made their life more easier. It led some people closer to their dreams or even made it possible. It offers personality and career development programs – depending on the area you are interested in – all for free, something you can't get when you're working in other private companies or government agencies.

And if you just play your cards right while working in a BPO company, who know's where you'll be in the near future? Maybe it's time to think that working in this industry is not bad at all!.. Hope this helps!.. :)

Ms. Independent Me

Who would have thought I could do it on my own? I doubt it myself too.

Before, I always wanted to try to live by myself but I never had the chance to really do it or shall I say I don't have the courage to do it back then. I was so used to my mama who's always there beside me and attending to all my needs, even when I started working. My sister would always tease me how will I survive if mama was not there, that I'm sarap-buhay type.. Everyday, I woke up in the morning with my breakfast ready and my clothes to wear was neatly folded or hanged, that all I have to do is get up and ready for work. Surely, I know how to cook simply because I have interest in cooking that's why I learned how to at an early age. But when it comes to washing clothes, that's a big NO, NO for me. They would always tell me that eventually I'll get married and will have my own family that's why I have to learn it. Bottomline is, I am too dependent to my mama. 

Sometimes, we really don't know what we're capable of until the situation led us to it or left us with no choice.

It's been almost two years since my family transferred to our new home in Cavite, and since then I've been living on my own in Manila. Well, I'm not technically alone because I am with friends and I still go home once in a while.. but the idea of I get to do everything by myself and no one to depend on most of the time was actually thrilling and amazing.

At first, it was really hard. I have to alot extra time everyday when going to work. I have to prepare my clothes to wear, preparing food, making sure I got all the things I need and didn't forget anything before leaving (coz' I usually forget things I have to bring and mama will always remind this and that). During weekends that I wasn't able to go home I have to wash my own clothes (take note: by handwash!), it was really really tiring! Not just my poor hands but my whole body was aching, that feeling of I really need a good body massage after. But after that, it was really great that I was able to pull it off! It may seem like just a little thing for some, but for me it was an accomplishment.. knowing that some people around me had doubts and told me right in my face that I can't.

When Boredom Strikes.. :)

My long weekend has been prolonged more than I expected, I was on sick leave since Sept. 02 due to conjunctivitis. So, instead of stressing myself when will my eyes get well fully, I'll take this as a chance to get all the sleep I want or need, which has been deprived to us for the past four months being on a night shift schedule. As what my friend said, consider it as being in a "staycation" only just at home not in some fancy hotels. Well atleast I got myself rest for a while and free from all the stress from work.

This is what happened when boredom strikes.. played my camera phone and took some selfies.. hahahaha.. :))

Things about Book Lovers

Some people never understand my fondness on reading a book. I even found myself keeping secret when buying books, making sure the price tag was neatly removed and receipts were put in trash.. it's because I had these feeling some people may not understand me spending money on books when there are more other things to be priorized or more valuable than it.

Here are the list I think only book lovers would understand..

• We know the uniqueness of a book.

We know it will always be different than any other movie adaptation. It's not that we want to criticize those movies, we know that they had put a lot of work for that. They would never understand our disappointment when our expectations wasn't met after watching the movie knowing we had read the book.

• Having a hard copy. 

Nowadays, reading any books you want is so easy thru ebooks, ipad, kindle, etc. I admit, I've been a fan of ebooks for some time, as my budget limits me from buying books most of the time. But the feeling of having a hard copy in your hand, the smell of the paper while reading.. oh that's different!

• Creating you own world when reading a good book.

We don't want to be interrupted when we're into it. We'll use every minute we could have just to continue reading it, some may say it's like an addiction more like a hobby.

• Having attachment to characters.

We feel the emotions of the characters. We laugh and cry as they do. We feel so connected just by reading, like they were really true people like us. There are times that we get too emotionally involved.

• Finishing a book was harder than starting.

We're having a book hangover after reading wishing it had never end, that means sleepless nights, overthinking and sometimes trying to read it again.

• Having a good book makes a perfect weekend.

Perfect weekend doesn't have to go out of town or night outs. We can go different places any time as our imagination is limitless. But that doesn't mean we can't or doesn't want to go out.

• OCD when in comes to our books.

We want our books neatly covered like books sent by teachers that were required to cover. We tend to think twice when someone wants to borrow books from us because we're worried they won't take care our books like we do. We worry too much wondering if they would ever return it, would it be in a good condition when they return it or if they were still okay in someone else's hands. We don't want any dirt, fold or even a small crumple on it's pages.

• Bookstores are our shopping malls.

We enjoy spending hours in bookstores browsing every shelves without getting tired like some would do in their favorite shops. We're close to getting crazy, so confused which book to buy like any shopaholics do.

I'm sure some book lover out there can relate to this.. :)

Wish I could let go just like that..

If only I could do it in just snap or just after reading any article about letting go of resentment, then I'll be very, very happy.. really!

No one wants to be a slave of any negative feelings towards other. Our emotions is something beyond our control. We can't force ourselves into something we're not ready yet or shall I say into something our hearts doesn't want to. No matter what other people say or how much we knew how to, we'll never be able to overcome it until ourselves do it willingly on it's own. As the old saying goes, "time heals all wounds." So I guess, I'd rely on that..

I don't know if what I'm doing is right but all I know is, this is what I need right now. I just know that I need to distance myself, so I won't be stressing myself everytime we meet, so I don't need to pretend like nothing is wrong.. I'm so done in pretending.. I need some peace of mind for a while.. though, I don't know how long would it take. I just hope time will come I'll be ready to face them again with all my heart.

I don't know either if what I thought or believed is right. I'm not sure if everything I'm doing now is worth it, or will it fix everything..

I know it's possible that it maybe too late to save what we had before, the time I am free from all these resentments I am feeling now. Maybe now I am blaming certain people why it happened and why I am feeling this.. but maybe someday I'll be blaming myself for letting it happen and for giving up the friendship we had. It's what I have to risk.

Maybe I care too much that's why I got hurt this much... Maybe I should try harder but I chose to give up and cut you out of my life. I'm sorry... :(