words unspoken..

All my life, I always wished for a happy family. For some people, they thought I’ve got everything I’ve wanted, nice job, happy family and a lot of friends. But the truth is they’re all wrong, yes I have a job, I chose the term job because I don’t consider this as a lifetime career, for now it’s just a source of income to sustain our needs. I don’t have anything to say with regards to my friends, I have a lot of them, true friends which I keep up to now. The main problem that depresses me much is my family.

* to my parents

I’m sorry because we can’t give you the life that you wanted. I’m sorry because I can’t give you any assurance for now if and how will I achieve what you want for us like having our own house and the studies of my two younger siblings. I’m sorry for the frustrations brought by my other siblings to you. I always asked myself if the main source of our misunderstandings is money. Sad to say, money brings conflicts to family. I’m thinking what if we have enough money for everything we need, is this all gonna end? I can’t tell you all my plans in my life, because I don’t want to give you false hopes. I’m afraid to lose this battle I’ve always fought for, the battle of life. Pa, I pray for your health, for your full recovery. Thanks for the eagerness to stand your role as a father to us; you showed a good example for being such a responsible father to us. Ma, may you find peace, patience and forgiveness in your heart for all that happened to us. Please don’t lose hope.

* to my kuya

Thanks for being there and staying with us, you’ve made a great sacrifice in your own life just for us. Thanks for being patient and responsible brother. I’m always scared in just a mere thought of you leaving us and making your own life. Although I know, this will not be forever and time will come you also need to face your own life. If that time will come, don’t worry I will not be angry to you, you did enough. I just have to prepare myself for the responsibility you may leave with me. I can do it with the Lord’s guidance.

* to my ate

I know you’re sorry for the mistakes you’ve made, you just don’t have enough courage to say sorry to them. I know it takes a lot of courage to do it. Even if you say so, sometimes a word sorry is not enough to pick up the pieces that is already broken. Please don’t lose hope, be strong not just for you but for the sake of your daughter. May you find light in your mind and in your heart on what you really want in your life. Everything will be alright if you just help yourself too.

* to my friends

Thanks for being there always, for being patient hearing my stories, for keeping the friendship. You really don’t know how it helps me to go through this, it gives me strength just a thought that you’re there and ready to listen. You don’t need to speak just to assure me that you’re there. I don’t have to mention names, you knew it!