Life with Dementia

Life really has surprises.

Suddenly, the person who used to tell you your worthless, now can no longer recognize you and depends his daily life on you. Calls you different names "day, ne, mam", etc. Has difficulty to function on his own, uncontrolled emotions, sudden burst of anger, etc.

They say be patient, give a little compassion, take care of him, he's still your family, and so on. Behind these symptoms and bad behavior he's showing as part of his illness, I can't help but think this is just who he is. That until now, he's still giving the same emotional pain we endured for the longest time. And yes, he left us with no choice because it's just us he got to take care of him.

Sometimes, I found myself thinking, what do I really want for him. Does it make me less as a daughter or a person if sometimes I'm not really sure if I want him to get better or not? Does it give me peace, if he can't recognize us? 😥

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Random Thoughts

In general, society expects you to act in a way what is acceptable to most of the people. No matter how hard you try to ignore the noise around you, sometimes it tends to find its way to affect how you think, you decide, you believe, and your overall values. It's been a long time, it's like I'm fighting a battle of my own. I'm trying to fight between trying to stick with what's making me happy or just live a life where it's less complicated. I'm in a phase where I'm trying to figure out what's best to do with my life. I really believe that I should not be living my life for the sake of other people. But, what if it means fighting for the rest of your life? All these dilemma that's running in my head for a while now leads me to think or do things I think is not right. Recently, I've made a terrible mistake just because once again I'm on a battle of my own, that doing so this is more acceptable than what I am on. Because traditionally, i...

T I R E D

Have you ever felt so tired of everything that's happening around you? Because that's how I'm feeling lately.. at work, home, everything.. Have you ever felt like you're on the verge of crying any time or any moment? Because that's exactly me lately.. found myself crying at any time of the day. At work, I no longer push myself to do the things I used to do passionately. I'm tired.. Recently, I feel like I can't do it anymore.. like I am not capable of doing things.. like I am just doing what's being told and not beyond that anymore. I have lots of delays in all my tasks. I'm not sure anymore if it's because of my tasks are too overwhelming and can't do it within my bandwidth, or I am just tired, or I am just too lazy. At home, which I'm not sure if I can call it "home".. I'm too tired and lazy to clean my room. I feel like I wanna go somewhere else, away from home, away from them. I wanted to escape away from here. 🥺

my angels

These children makes my day free from all my worries, stress, pains and heartaches. I can almost forget whatever situation I’m into just being with them, my so-called stress-reliever. :) Tita loves you all so much!.. Promise I’ll always be here for you all. :)

my thoughts in bare

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