An Open Letter to my Ex-friend

To my ex-friend,

We've been friends since college. There was never a dull moment with you, you were fun to be with. We understand each other so well even before we speak our mind. You were there when I had my major heartbreak back then. You didn't offer any advice instead you let me enjoy and have fun even for a while, we went to movie dates together, we even went to amusement park and enjoy the whole day just like kids do.  You were always there to calm me down every time I cried because of some family matters, you know how it feels because you're also a breadwinner like me. We were that close, even before we started hanging out again with our other barkadas from college. You got your own house to the same subdivision where I got mine, making our families connected like us.

We started hanging out more often when you started dating that guy. It's your way of balancing your time to all of us. Eventually, we became friends with your boyfriend. We had a lot of bonding moments together, out of town trips, movie dates, chitchats, etc. Things between us were so perfect that I can't imagine my life without you as my friend.

It all changed when your guy started making a pass on me. At first, I tried to ignore it and kept it secret because I don't want to make a big deal out of it, thinking it was because of the alcohol as he usually do it when he's a little tipsy or drunk. And I was afraid, it will just make things worst and complicated if I let you know it, hurting you in the process. Maybe it wasn't meant to be kept secret, the day I've been scared about came. I will never forget that day, we had a little argument, asking me why I didn't tell you before, you're so devastated and confused because you didn't know what to do, you were ashamed of him of what he did to me, but then you don't wanna lose him. You said you were sorry and you didn't want to lose me either. I didn't give you the option to choose me instead of him, but when life gives you the option, boyfriend or a friend, I always thought you will choose the friend. You said you believed my side of story, but you were acting different after that, your actions betrays your words. You started prying at me, as if you were trying to get me caught flirting with your guy, without you knowing I knew it all the while. You made that call, that's how we end. We started to drift apart. You noticed how I slowly cut you out of my life, because I was truly hurt. You tried to reach out again, but I guess it all ends there. I'm sorry if I can't forget and forgive just like that although it's been over two years ago. I really, really missed you but then I can't let you in again in my life without me remembering what happened to us and hurting myself in the process.