my thoughts as of now..

I wonder how transparent I am in front of other people around me or are they just too observant to notice me?.. I tried to act like normal and continue to do the things I have to do. I thought no one bothers to notice me but I’m wrong. This afternoon, I was told by my boss that I’m sad. He asked me if I had a fight with “him”. I didn’t manage to answer back, I just smiled at him. I thought my eyes are already dry from crying. I said I will never cry again but with just simple words from my boss made me cry. I have to turn my back from him to hide the tears. shameful.. grrrrr.. I almost say it loud to him that I didn’t have a fight with “him”, wish I had.. so I can say straight to his face how he made me feel and see his reaction. I’d rather hear it than be in silence and you don’t know what to think and feel.

When you’re going through like this, have u asked yourself what is…

“the most tiring thing to do? – it is to think. To think of someone who don’t even think of you.” – I’m tired of thinking about him, I wanted to stop but sometimes I can’t help it. I tried making myself busy but he keeps on linger on my mind. I hate it! When will be time when before I sleep at night and woke up in the morning that I wouldn’t be thinking about him anymore?..

“the most expensive? – it is to smile. To smile even though you’re hurt.” – I tried to smile but they say my eyes can’t hide it.

“the easiest escape? – it is to pretend. To pretend that you’re happy even though you’re NOT.” – It seems like I am wearing a mask in front of them just to conceal how I felt.

Once a friend told me “they say people come and go but the truth is, no one really disappears from your life. People never really leave, their roles just change”, I wonder what’s his role in my life now?.. could he be a simple acquaintance? haaayz…